Wes@Play - Bears, aka "The Winter Boyfriend" | Theory & Practice

NOTE: I removed this page a few months ago, mostly because I'm over the whole bear thing. Okay, maybe not.

Beefy, hairy boyfriends—those with physical characteristics made more agreeable by cooler weather—are a great find in the winter. Skinny boyfriends with zero body hair and a Prada model-physique are too easily lost to stiff winds, fag hags, or turn out to be as cuddly as a brass doorknob.

Winter boyfriends, who sometimes self-identify as "bears, cubs, otters, or wolves" are far sturdier, harder to lose in a crowd, and generally more fun to be around, beside, and on top of. I'm objectifying bears here, but then anyone that associates themselves with an animal does so knowing the consequences.

The Fascination Explained
I suppose my fascination with hairy men could come from having sparse body hair, even though I'm fairly hairy by Asian standards (if you're into Japanese culture, my mother's family is for Kumamoto which I'm pretty sure why I can grow a full beard). It could also be because one of my longest relationships was with a bear. Or, it could be my fascination with the special, unexplained relationship between Mr. French and Uncle Bill.

Keep in mind that what a lot of people call bears are really just overweight men, which in gay slang equals "cubbies." The chubby chasers were among the first to form gay organizations, so hats off to them.

The Asian and Bear Thing
Not unexpectedly, at least to fans of Totoro, Asian men really like chasing bears. My current theory is that it's because...

• they are cuter
• they are exotic by Asian standards
• a lot of Asian men watched Totoro* when they were growing up

*Totoro is the title character from a film called "My Neighbor Totoro" (in English) by the famed animator Hayao Miyazaki from Studio Gibli. Basically, the plot revolves a youngster befriending a bear-like (actually not a bear, just bear-like) magical creature and having fun adventures. Of course, this would be similar to idolizing professional wrestlers as a child and then only dating stocky, muscular men as an adult...or becoming overly connected with your mother during breastfeeding then only dating women with enormous breasts...which makes my point.

Bear Bars
I love going to bear bars almost as much as leather bars. Bear bars in general are far more relaxed, people actually laugh without being derisive, and there are usually a lot of beers to choose from. Bears also tend to be excellent pool players compared to other gay men, but I'm not sure why.

Here in San Jose, California we only have one bear bar (sort of) and that's Renegades.

In San Francisco, there's the Lone Star Saloon, plus a number of special one-night a week/month clubs in the South of Market district. I stay away from the Castro these days because the new generation seems hellbent on militaristic conformity...not that that's any different from their parents' generation.

For my other bear-tinged experiences away from California, use the links below:

Montreal | Seattle | Denver | Chicago | Sacramento